Do you ever get to the weekend and realize you haven’t had one decent conversation with your partner the whole week?
You know, something more profound than, “Don’t forget Jessica has soccer practice at 5 pm,”; “I have no idea what to get to your mom this year”; or “Can you help Owen with his algebra homework?”
More often than we’d like to admit, the conversations between couples are all about the who, what, and when of our day-to-day family life. Too often, when we take charge and steer the family ship, we forget that it’s essential also to stop and fuel up to experience things like genuine laughter, surprise, and memorable moments.
When people are asked “what is your worst fear in a relationship?” the usual answer (after infidelity) is boredom, loss of passion and interest. To wake up and realize you don’t have anything in common with the person sleeping next to you.
Trust us, we know that between kids and careers, keeping a relationship fresh and interesting is not an easy task. But in the long run, maintaining a fun and healthy partnership is a significant element to personal fulfillment.
And it could be as easy as having one new, deep, genuine conversation with your partner.
Because of two main reasons: happiness and stronger bonds.
Several research studies show that higher well-being is associated with spending less time alone and spending more time talking to others.
For example, researchers in one 2010 study¹ “eavesdropped” on 79 college students for four days. The researchers recorded 30 seconds every 12 minutes. And afterward, the samples were coded and identified whether a participant was alone, talking “small talk” with others, or having a substantive conversation. The students who were most often engaged in substantive conversations said that they were 3x happier than the students who participated mostly in “small talks.”
In short – to live a happier life you need to be more social, and to engage in deep conversations rather than shallow ones.
Boredom is the number one factor to affect satisfaction from marriage. Couples who report boredom in their marriage are more likely to get divorced down the road².
There are many ways in which couples can spend special time together. Some couples set a weekly ‘dinner date’ day; some couples work out together; others explore new hobbies together like a dance class or baking seminar.
The main thing to remember is- it’s not the quantity of time, but the quality of time. Having a date night in a restaurant once a week is a terrific idea, but if you sit there staring at each other or talking (again) about the kids, it doesn’t have the memorable impact you want to achieve.
We strongly believe you don’t need a particular setting to have a ‘real’ talk, all you really need is one good question to ask your partner.
We think the ideal situation is setting aside one night a week for a talk date. Fancy restaurants or your living room couch can do just fine.
The “Couples Deep Talk Challenge” is a seven-week challenge where you and your partner clear 15-60 min for YOU time.
Each day of the week you ask each other one question. Every day. For nearly two months.
After just two or three days, you’ll be looking forward to this daily ritual with your partner!
Are you ready to fall in love again?
Here are your 7 challenge questions:
Day 1: A group of aliens arrives and says they want to destroy Earth. You are the only one who could dissuade them. What would you tell them?
Day 2: What is the best present you have ever received?
Day 3: What do you usually think about right before falling asleep?
Day 4: What did you think when you first saw me?
Day 5: What do you think I Do better than everyone else?
Day 6: You are 101 years old. What advice would you give your today’s self?
Day 7: What has been your best moment of the year (so far)?
We hope these questions will jump start your communication and make you remember all the reasons why you fell in love with the wonderful person next to you.
If you are ready to continue your “Couples Deep Talk Challenge” with the next 60 questions, you can download and print Junto game, and you can follow us on Facebook or Instagram for more question ideas!
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